It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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