Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
