And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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