if i can run in heels then i can drive
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
