woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
