5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
