Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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