yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
