Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
