dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize