i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
