No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
