cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
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