also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
