Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
