i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
