marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Sponge bath it is.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
