Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
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