ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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