and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
we're making bets on your personal life
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
