wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I need a beard to bite.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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