too bad you live with your parents still
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
