Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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