the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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