You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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