sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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