So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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