idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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