then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize