That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Randomize
