Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
