Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize