but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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