She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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