You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
