I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
