No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
