did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
