No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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