She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
