I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
