you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
now i know why i became what i already was.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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