Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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