im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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