Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize