So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
