umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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