Me. At least after what I've been through.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
what is it with giant penises always finding me
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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