i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Drunk is a universal language darling
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
