Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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