She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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