question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
