I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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