Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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