how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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