Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
