Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
