According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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