So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i just google imaged poop.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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