Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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