I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
