I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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