Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
