I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I pour the whiskey from now on
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
