The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize