My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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