What a fucking waste of an outfit
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I hope mine doesn't look like that
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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