i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
