idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
FUCK WHALES
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
