i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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