Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Randomize
