dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
