i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
