he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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