I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
