Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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