I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
