i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The power of my boobs compel you
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
