I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
