Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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