why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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