Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
soo... how was my night?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
