Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
