i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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