I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
And then he peed in my hair
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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