Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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