You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You may now shotgun with the bride
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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