Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
its liver damage thursday
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
