u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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