3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
