What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
