dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
my being single is dangerous.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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