i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
