my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
