The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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