I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
