I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
