I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
