so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
True college students do jello shots in the library
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
