He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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