haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
