After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
